It's a nice night, a really nice night.
I keep jumping at text messages, thinking it will be A. It's not.
I'm feeling really sad about this turn of events, I dreamed about him indirectly last night, seeing a road marker which stated his "full name" (the one he gave, at least) and realizing we were driving down the wrong path. Having to turn back, start again from The Beginning.
I dreamed about moving, my parents being back together, my sister being 11, me being 19.
(This is a common theme, when I dream of her, she's rarely her current self, always this awkward kid who looks up to me to protect her.)
I think this might be common for sufferers of BPD, "seeing" things in dreams as they were when your mind broke completely and ceased progression. Those ultra-realistic dreams.
I swore to myself last night that I wouldn't, but here I am, drinking because I can.
I knew better than to buy the bottle of chardonnay, but I bought it anyway, because I have no impulse control. Also, because I wanted to sleep tonight.
The alibi is wanting to get my "last hurrah" in, I suppose.
Considering I told my roommate J. that I don't drink. Hopefully, that will keep me in line.
Also, I had a nice, sensible, delicious dinner tonight, and I feel good.
(Baked chicken breast with caramelized green onion and a heaping side of steamed lemon broccoli, if you were wondering!)
So fortified, I'm ready to get the rest of my packing done, and get all set for my official move-in day on Monday! Hurrah!
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